Senior Moment

A Well Planned Life

Two women in their 80’s met fort he first time since graduating from high school. One asked the other,”You were always so organized in school. Did you manage to live a well-planned life?”

“Yes,” said her friend. “My first marriage was to a millionaire; my second marriage was to an actor; my third marriage was to a preacher; and now I’m married to an undertaker.”

Her friend asked, “What do those marriages have to do with a well-planned life?”

“One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go.”

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Middle-Aged Sleepovers

Men Be Warned !

MEN – Be Warned !!!

It is important for men to remember that as women grow older, it

becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as

when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them.

Some are oversensitive, and there’s nothing worse than an oversensitive

woman.

My name is Dave.

Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Peggy.

When I retired a few years ago, it became necessary for Peggy to get a

full-time job along with her part-time job, both for extra income and

for the health benefits that we needed.

Shortly after she started working, I noticed that she was beginning to

show her age. I usually get home from the golf club about the same time

she gets home from work.  And although she knows how hungry I am, she

almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she

starts dinner.

I don’t yell at her.  Instead, I tell her to take her time and just

wake me when she gets dinner on the table.  I generally have lunch in

the Men’s Grill at the club, so eating out is not reasonable.  I’m

ready for some home-cooked grub when I hit that door.

She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating, but now it’s

not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after

dinner.

I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each

evening that they won’t clean themselves.  I know she really

appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done

before she goes to bed.

Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think.  For example, Peggy

will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly

bills during her lunch hour.  But, boys, we take ‘em for better or

worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch

it out over two or even three days. That way she won’t have to rush so

much.  I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then

wouldn’t hurt her any (if you know what I mean).

I like to think tact is one of my strong points.

When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods.

She even had to take a break when she was only half finished mowing the

yard.

I try not to make a scene.  I’m a fair man.  I tell her to fix herself

a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a

while.

And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make

one for me, too.

I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Peggy.

I’m not saying that showing this much consideration is easy.  Many men

will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible!

Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get

older.

However, guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less

criticism of your aging wife because of this article, I will consider

that writing it was well worthwhile. After all, we are put on this

earth to help each other.

Signed,

Dave

EDITOR’S NOTE:

Dave died suddenly on May 27 of a perforated rectum.  The police report

says he was found with a Calloway extra long 50-inch Big Bertha Driver

II golf club jammed up his rear end, with barely five inches of grip

showing, and a sledge hammer laying nearby.

His wife Peggy was arrested and charged with murder.

The all-woman jury took only 15 minutes to find her not guilty,

accepting her defense that Dave somehow, without looking, accidentally

sat down on his golf club very quickly.

Got Ostie?

(WebMD) With one 15-minute infusion a year, a bone-loss drug called Reclast cuts risk of vertebral fractures by 70 percent and hip fractures by 41 percent over three years.

The finding comes from a clinical trial in which nearly 4,000 postmenopausal
women got Reclast and about the same number got an inactive placebo. At the
start of the study, the women’s average age was 73.

A major problem with the most commonly prescribed class of osteoporosis drugs — bisphosphonates — is that they aren’t easy to take the right way.
They have to be taken first thing in the morning, on an empty stomach, 30
minutes before eating anything — and you have to remain standing or sitting
upright during this half-hour fast.

That’s why only 30 percent of people are still taking their osteoporosis drugs after a year, says study leader Dennis M. Black, Ph.D., of the University of California, San Francisco.

“And who knows how many of that 30 percent are actually taking it right,” Black tells WebMD. “So in terms of clinical effect, even if our study shows Reclast is just the same as some other osteoporosis drugs, the real clinical
effect will be better.”

The study did not actually compare Reclast to other osteoporosis drugs,
notes study investigator and osteoporosis specialist Felicia Cosman, M.D., of Helen Hayes Hospital and Columbia University. Cosman also serves as clinical director for the National Osteoporosis Foundation.

“The results from this placebo-controlled trial really show that Reclast is at least as effective vs. fractures — if not more effective — than anything else in this drug class we currently have on the market,” Cosman tells WebMD.

Reclast doesn’t totally prevent fractures. Over three years, 3.3 percent of women who took the drug had vertebral fractures and 1.4 percent had hip fractures. But that was far better than the 10.9 percent rate of vertebral fractures and the 2.5 percent rate of hip fractures in the placebo group.

“We want to stress that in between these infusions, women still need to take their calcium and vitamin D and exercise and use all the lifestyle measures that should be done to reduce bone loss. This would not take the place of that,” Cosman warns.

Women tolerated the annual 15-minute infusions very well. After the
infusion, about 14 percent of patients had some symptoms of what doctors call an acute phase reaction. They felt as though they had a mild viral infection, with low-grade fever, muscle and joint aches, and/or headache. In no case did this last longer than three days, Cosman says.

Women who took Reclast also had a significantly higher rate of serious atrial fibrillation — a dangerous, abnormal heart rhythm. This happened to 50 of the 3,889 women who received the drug.

Black, Cosman, and colleagues report their findings in the May 3 issue of
the New England Journal of Medicine. An editorial by Juliet Compston,
M.D., professor of bone medicine at the University of Cambridge, England,
accompanies the study.

Compston says that Reclast will be appropriate for any woman whose bone
density puts her at high risk of fracture.

“We have an exciting new option which is at least as effective as other
options in reducing fractures,” Compston tells WebMD. “It has something
which many will see as an advantage: It has to be taken only once a year —
although the intravenous infusion will be a consideration for some. It is a new first-line treatment for osteoporosis.”

The FDA currently approves Reclast for the treatment of Paget’s disease, a
metabolic bone disorder. Novartis Pharmaceutical’s application to approve
Reclast for postmenopausal osteoporosis is currently under FDA review. Novartis funded the Black study.

Bad Estrogen Day

Women’s T-Shirt Sayings

Don’t piss me off! I’m running out of places to hide the bodies.

Guys have feelings too. But like… who cares?

I don’t believe in miracles. I rely on them.

Next mood swing: 6 minutes.

I hate everybody, and you’re next.

Please don’t make me kill you.

And your point is…?

I used to be schizophrenic, but we’re ok now.

I’m busy. You’re ugly. Have a nice day.

Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it.

Remember my name – you’ll be screaming it later.

You KNOW you want me.

Don’t worry. It’ll only seem kinky the first time…

Of course I don’t look busy… I did it right the first time.

Why do people with closed minds always open their mouths?

I’m multi-talented: I can talk and piss you off at the same time.

You, me, whipped cream, handcuffs. Any questions?

Do NOT start with me. You will NOT win.

You have the right to remain silent, so please SHUT UP.

All stressed out and no one to choke.

I’m one of those bad things that happen to good people.

How can I miss you if you won’t go away?

Sorry if I looked interested. I’m not.

If we are what we eat, I’m fast, cheap and easy.

Nobody knows I’m not wearing underwear.

I’m out of estrogen and I have a gun.

Points down

See what happens when you get HOT FLASHES !!   You turn into an aninal !   I have a errr HAD a hearing problem.  I was hiding my ears underneath all my hair.  Once I freed myself from the hair my ears were able to unfurl and  well Clark Gable nor Prince Charles has ANYTHING on me.  Dumbo and I can FLY !!!    It is a bitch getting ear muffs for the winter, and if I turn just right, I can get  Tokyo radio !!

 Mumbles something about Margy not being bawdy enough to sent some God forsaken picture I could use to get her with…damn.